He sat on his table, stunned. For a full minute he could not believe what he had just heard was true. It felt as if someone had sucked the air out of the room. Bit by bit, he recovered, and replaced the receiver of the telephone. He knew it was coming, he had known it for the better part of the past decade, yet had never imagined that the news would have such an enormous effect on him. He leaned back on the chair in despair, and let out a sigh of pain and anguish. He had just lost the first love of his life.
His thoughts raced back fourteen years, back to the day when he had first seen her, the day when he’d talked to her for the first time. It was in class eleven, a couple of days after their class ten board examinations result was announced, wherein he had reaffirmed his reputation by finishing as the topper of the state. It had been 2 weeks since the session had begun. Then, she’d entered the classroom. She was a new student, new to the school, new to the city. She was introduced as Ms. Aarushi Goel, daughter of an Army Colonel. All the boys of the class had been staring intently at her, the girls conscious of her beauty and the attention she was getting from the guys.
The only vacant seat had been next to him. So she came and sat down there. He, being the topper of the batch, was asked by the teacher to help her in the portions of the course already covered. She smiled at him, placing down her carry bag next to him and settling down. He responded with a half-hearted smile amid winks and whispers from his friends on how lucky he was to her sitting beside him.
He helped her in the classes the rest of the day, and learnt that she had studied for the past three years in another state, and that she also possessed a keen intellect like him. The next day, disregarding the vacant places in the class, she again came and sat beside him. Soon, they had become good friends. Classmates never got tired of gossips regarding them, and they, well they both had never cared for what people had to speak about them. She had become the closest friend h had ever had, the person he was the closest to in the world, second only to his sister.
The intercom had been ringing for the past 5 minutes now, but he had not bothered to pick it up. Rather, he was so lost in the chain of thoughts that he had not even been aware that it had been ringing. Concerned, his secretary entered the room. The sight stunned her; she just stood at the doorway for few moments before she recovered. Her boss of three months, the liveliest person she had ever seen, a person whom she had always seen sharing all his joys and sorrows with his colleagues, was crying. Tears ran down his face, while new ones emerged almost instantaneously. He seemed to be in a state of trance; his eyes had that faraway look of a person deeply engrossed in thought, yet showcased a pain and throbbing that she had never witnessed before.
She hastily went to him and shook him, fearing the worst. He just looked blankly at her for a moment or two before managing to say “I’m all right, don’t worry. Just leave me alone.” “But Sir, you …” “I said leave me alone. And cancel all my appointments for today.” “Sir, are you sure you are all right? Maybe you should go home…” “Don’t you tell me what to do. I said I’m all right. Now please just leave me alone for the love of God.” She just stood up, shaking at the way he talked to her, her eyes brimming with tears. As she entered the door, she heard him say “I’m sorry. Just lost a close friend of mine.” What else could he say to her? Would she understand? For that matter, would anyone ever understand the place she held in his heart?
His thoughts drifted back to her. Since the school picnic, when she had declared in front of all their friends that he was her dearest friend, he had been thinking about her. He felt that she liked him. He liked her, that he was sure of. But did she? Or did she just consider him as just another friend? But how would he find out? It was his sister who had solved the problem. He acted as she told him to. She came to meet him in a restaurant. It was the 7th of November, with a cool breeze blowing outside, bringing in the sweet scent of the approaching winter. She looked amazing in the blue suit. How vividly he still remembers that day, he smirked at himself and lamented at his photographic memory. They had not ordered much. He was not hungry, and in any case, he would not have been able to eat even if he were dying of hunger at that moment.
She had immediately sensed something was amiss. He had slowly told her that he liked her, stammering and sweating. She had listened intently, with the expression on her face changing from one of interest to one of despondency and finally, by the time he had managed to finish, she wore an expression that screamed “I knew you would get down to this one day! This is entirely impossible.” Seeing that, he knew all was lost, but hung on to the hope that it was not true. She sat silent for a full minute, a minute that seemed like ages to him.
Then she spoke “I knew one day you were going to do this. I knew deep within…. But I have no hard feelings for you. I’m glad that you chose to speak to me, but I have always looked at you as a friend, nothing else… Never…” And she was out of there in an instant. He sat there, as if frozen in his seat, feeling just the way he felt this day. But something did not feel right. A fleeting expression on her face while she spoke had filled him with doubts as to whether she had been speaking the truth or not. He decided to confront her the next day. But she did not come to school the next day, or the rest of the week. He could not muster the courage to call her, and learnt from others that she was sick.
The next day, for the first time, she did not sit beside him, but went and sat at the other end of the class. During a free class, he found her sitting alone and confronted her.
“I know what you said that day was not true. Why did you do it?”
“Look, whatever I said that day was entirely true. Now please leave me alone.” She shot back, but her looks betrayed her, so did the tears in the eyes.
“I know it. Just because you are the daughter of a colonel, while I am the son of a middle class shopkeeper. Isn’t it?”
“That’s not the truth.”
“Then what is the truth? Tell me”
“Believe me, you do not want to know the truth. You are better off without it. Please go now.”
“I am not going anywhere until I know the truth, and you know I mean it.”
“Fine…. Listen then. I feel the same way about you as you do about me. You are the best guy I have ever met. You are the closest person to me. But I have not told you one thing. It was two years ago. I had gone to my uncle’s house for the summer vacations. One day, I fell from the roof of the house, a fall of 3 stories. I had lost quite a lot of blood, and the doctors had to transfuse blood to keep me alive. The blood, the blood had not been tested properly prior to transfusion. It was HIV positive. And so am I now.”
He looked at her, but his eyes penetrated her and looked at something beyond her. They were looking at an epitome of strength. He immediately understood why she often seemed to be lost into another world, why sometimes she would cry at no reason at all, while at other times would laugh out loudly at even the smallest of jokes. She had been living life to the fullest, staring death in the face.
“I feel the same way as you do, Snehil”, she continued among sobs “but I just cannot. It would be wrong of me to know all this and yet ask you to spend your life with me. I simply cannot. I hope you understand, and also that we can still be good friends.” She had gone away after that, still crying, while he sat there, not knowing what to say or do. But he knew what he had to do. That evening, he visited her home, and had a long conversation with her parents. Later, he went to her room. She was crying on her bed, the pillow wet with her tears. He had simply told her that he was sorry for having said all that he had, for having hurt her. He told her that he was there with her, and that he loved her. For the first time, she had hugged him, weeping and entreating him not to let out this secret of hers. He had promised to keep it a secret, and he had. It was she who had broken the silence, telling all their classmates about her impending death 7 years later during a reunion.
Their friendship had grown even stronger since then. They had become nearly inseparable in school. And he would walk her home every evening after school. Although he had sensed something bothering her, she had not revealed it to him despite his having inquired a number of times. The day after their exams finished, she had unexpectedly called him to meet in the same restaurant; they sat at the same table as they had on that fateful day 4 months ago. She had then revealed the news to him. Her father had been promoted. He congratulated her, but could not understand the reason behind the sadness. Then, she told him the full news. Her father had been promoted, and transferred. They were to leave the following weekend. She would not be coming to school from the next day. He was devastated. And finally, she and her family had left.
But, she had not exited his life. They were still in touch through phone calls and letters. It was she who had really motivated him to go for the most prestigious colleges in the country. He had not let her down. He had not let his parents, teachers, friends and well-wishers down. He had been selected into the IIT in the first attempt. Being now closer to her home, he would go to her house every month, and share the weekend with her family. It was like second home for him. He had again left the competition far behind to obtain admission into the prestigious MIT for his MS. All this time, she had been the guiding force behind him, like a guarding angel.
During the end of his first year there, he had helped a classmate being troubled by some ruffians, and they became friends. They used to go out, and her roommate Genelia would accompany them sometimes. They discovered similar tastes, and soon felt a mutual attraction. A faint smile came upon his lips on remembering the expression on Aarushi’s face when he had told her that it was actually the roommate of the girl he had saved that he was in love with. She had even attended their marriage despite being unwell after the latest infection.
That had been a year ago. Not the last time they had met, that would be almost 3 months ago, when he and Genelia had visited India in order to look for a suitable house to buy after his long anticipated transfer to Pune had been announced. The three of them had spent such great time together. The two weeks had passed like a breeze of fresh air. By now his eyes were red, but tears continued to flow. It seemed there was nothing that could stop them, nothing could dry the tears. At that very moment, Genelia walked in through the door, followed by Stacy, his secretary. Genelia hugged him. For a moment or two, he was unable to speak. Then he spoke “She’s no more! Aarushi! She’s gone.” He was unable speak anything else. She understood everything, even what he did not say, and consoled him, asking Stacy to get them two tickets to the next flight to Chennai.
His mind wandered back to the time he had asked Aarushi if he would ever fine anyone, and she had replied in her usual mocking manner “Yes you will, and that girl will be the best you will have ever met.” Second best, he thought to himself, and got up and walked out of his cabin, helped by his wife.
