...

I lay on the bed, a strange feeling overpowering me. Not the usual feelings of frustration, sadness, happiness etc ; but a different feeling. As if I was just floating, weightless and numb. And numb I was. I could feel everything, from the gentle wisps of the air due to the fan, to the buzzing of some insect trying to pry its way in thru the window. And yet I was unable to react, as if all my powers over my body were gone. Unable to move my body, unable to think, just lying there, feeling the world move about its business around me, enjoying the sensation of feeling nothing, yet the torment of sensing everything at once. Had there been a murderer in the room; I might have felt ever single drop of blood leave my body, slowly fading away to history, but would have been unable to do so. It was not unlike Pink in Comfortably Numb, in a haze, yet unable or unwilling to get out of it, and reach out to the “sane” world..

(No, I was not drunk or under the influence of any drugs at the time, or any other time in my life for that matter.)

Last night was a revelation. A revelation that it’s not just me who feels angry frustrated sad lonely, lamenting the way things once were and the way they no longer are. It made me happy. After all, I’m not the only lunatic in the world.. and it made me sad, sad to think that a friend might be going down the same way of chronic depression the way I have. And does that person have what it takes to bear it and present a normal, disguised face to the world that is by and large unscathed by these feelings? Will the one shut out to the world like I did, or will the emotions boil out, and burn everyone they touch?